Why Does Mine Seem Different...

Hi again, I wont post back to back like this going forward but I wanted to get to the “where are we now” point and start moving forward from there. So here we go…

When we found out we were pregnant again it was kind of a fluke situation. I was 3 months out from my miscarriage and we hadn't been trying hard but we also weren't really being careful. I was having some strange periods ever since and the 3rd one was the first one that seemed to be back to normal. Come to find out, that was the one I got pregnant after.

I went in for my annual physical and I was hoping to get back on some old anxiety medications I had stopped a while back. My job was stressful and I could feel the anxiety and stress starting to take over again so I wanted to get ahead of it. At the visit I told my Dr that I was a couple days late on my period but that after the miscarriage I was a little abnormal, so if I was going to start up on some of these meds again we should probably check, just in case. Went through the normal annual labs with one small addition, the urine HCG, and sure enough.... positive.

I sent the results to my now husband and he was just as shocked as I was. This fast? Don't get me wrong, we were excited, but I was worried. This was a little too similar to the first... or maybe I was just making those threads match up. I didn't want to get TOO excited, just in case. I contacted my OB again, and told them the results. Since it was pretty close to my previous loss they wanted to double check so they ordered a HCG blood test to check the levels, and sure enough, it was a genuine positive.

Since I had miscarried before my Dr agreed I should have an early 8 week US to make sure everything was ok. The week before the appointment I had some blood, it was light and lasted about a day but after what happened last time I was hyper sensitive and it almost threw we over the edge. I called some friends and asked them if they would see me for a walk in appointment for a check up and lab, they agreed. We got the lab and it was still rising... the next day, more blood and cramping this time. I was a mess. I asked them again if they would put just one more lab in for me, STAT, to see what the 48 hour numbers would be, they did. Again, something I will be forever grateful for. (find yourself a good provider, someone who is compassionate and listens to you. it is so so important. more on this later) I was CONVINCED, I mean, absolutely sure that I was miscarrying again. My poor husband held me while I cried and cried and cried. Why twice? Why me? But alas, the number still rose... but it didn't double. What did that mean? I had been told so many times "Were looking for the number to double." So I reached out to my OB again asking for some guidance, they did some math I don't fully understand and said it seemed fine, to keep my appointment and "we will see you in 6 days."

The Friday before my appointment I was having some sharp stabbing pains on my left side, being who I am as a person, I reached out to my OB again, "I'm having sharp stabbing pains on my life side only. I know its around this time symptoms of ectopic pregnancy would start to show and since my HCG level didn't double is there anything I should be worried about?" the nurse got back to me with symptoms I should be looking out for over the weekend but that they will see me in a few days at my 8 week appointment. Over the weekend I just waited and hoped...

Once at the appointment we got the transvaginal US, which isn't the worse but its not the most comfortable. It was necessary at this point because the baby was still so small. At that time we confirmed it was a singleton pregnancy in the uterus and there was a heartbeat of 158. The pain on the left side had subsided and my Dr did not check anything else other than the uterine pregnancy. 4 weeks later, we went back for our 12 week appointment, at this appointment we did another ultrasound and got a folder of information. It was interesting to me how much information was in this folder that would have been beneficial to know over the last 12 weeks. foods to avoid, medications that are safe for different symptoms, and things to look out for.... I don't agree with withholding these crucial pieces of information until someone's 12 week appointment, by that point it could be too late to reverse any damage done. But that's neither here nor there I guess, its like I said before, when its early, they don't take it as seriously... or at least it feels that way. Regardless, we had a healthy looking pregnancy with a strong heartbeat of 150 once again.

7 days later is when everything changed again. I was sitting on the couch with my husband watching my favorite show (Love Island, IYKYK) and all of a sudden I felt wetness. For a moment I thought I had urinated on myself. I got up and went to the restroom, on my underwear was definite wetness but there didn't seem to be a color that I could see. Not until I wiped did I notice the pink color on the tissue. I didn't understand what was happening, I didn't feel any pain, no real cramping or anything. I got up and blotted the crotch of my leggings and sure enough, pink wetness came off. What did this mean?

I changed my leggings and tried not to panic. After about 10 minutes, it happened again, but this time it seemed redder, like more blood. I told my husband I thought we should go to the ER. We are lucky in a way that we live in a small town and our ER is not usually busy and we were taken back right away. I'm still not having pain, not like last time. There was some mild cramping but it wasn't significant. The Dr came in and was very kind, he did a basic transabdominal US and confirmed with me that baby still had a heartbeat and confirmed active fetal movement. At the time he told us that there's not much information he can give us. It could be a placental abruption or a subchorionic hemorrhage, which is a fancy word for blood between the walls of the uterus and placenta. He said it could also be a "threatened abortion" but there was not much to do at this point. He told us, if it stops within a day you're probably going to be just fine, otherwise it could progress into a miscarriage and all we could do was wait. Which, anyone who knows me knows I am not good at that. The next day the bleeding slowed dramatically and I was almost blood free for about 12 hours.

The morning after, the bleeding started again. I still wasn't having pain but was so confused and scared I didn't know what to do other than to go back to the ER. We got a different Dr this time, a pregnant one, who was very kind, thorough, and understanding about what I was going through. She shared with me that she had also has a miscarriage and I knew I was in good hands. She did a bedside US with me and confirmed baby still had a strong heartbeat and then requested a more thorough US to get a better understanding of what might be going on.

Hours later and we got the results, they were not what I was expecting. I had a uterine fibroid and a 7cm cyst on my left ovary. This, she said, was probably the explanations for both my cramping and bleeding. The cyst made sense to me too because of the left sided pain I had mentioned to my OB. The Dr admitted to me that she wasn't well versed on uterine fibroids but after reading up on it a bit she suspected that with the increased blood flow to the area the fibroid could be causing the bleeding but she wasn't sure. She mentioned to me that with the size of my cyst the concern was an ovarian torsion which is when the ovary flips with the weight of the cyst, and if untreated I could lose the ovary but that its not something they would treat in its current state because of the pregnancy. She told me to seek out a new OB who is well versed in high risk pregnancies and would be understanding of my past in relation to my current symptoms.

That night I reached out to a couple ladies seeking guidance on where to start looking for a new OB. One of them suggested her OB who specializes in high risk pregnancies and thinks would be a great fit. I took her advise and so far its been one of the best decisions I have made in my pregnancy. He fit me in quickly to meet and check the baby once again. We were glad to find that baby was once again, seemingly healthy with a strong heartbeat. He didn't know what was causing the bleeding for sure, which didn't really ease my mind regarding that but I was happy the baby was ok so far. 8 days later, still bleeding, I reach out again... and again, they squeeze me in for an appointment. My Dr was stuck in a delivery so one of the PAs that work with him agreed to add me to her schedule. She was so kind and thorough, she did visual as well as manual exams. She told me my cervix is closed, and there's no active bleeding that she can see, No clear source for the blood. She did say that she finds that to be a good sign, that to her its better than a for sure finding of a problem. She told me that sometimes it just happens, some women just bleed through their pregnancy. We did another US and saw him in there, kicking and moving around. She focused in on his heartbeat and we got to hear that for the first time, it was incredible, it was beating at a healthy 150, right on target for him.

19 days in and I'm still bleeding.... we are not in the clear yet, anything can happen but I know what to be looking out for. We have another appointment in a few days. A few days can seem like an eternity when you're bleeding daily but I'm hopeful for another positive visit and confirmation of a strong heartbeat. Those beats are what keep me going every day.

Until next time MAMAs... with love, Meg